Seriously

Today we attended a wedding. My mom, my husband and I. We knew we would run into my grandpa who my mom is currently having a little fight with. However we did not under any terms expect what he did. When we sat down AT THE CEREMONY he handed her a flier and said, "I thought you might want to see this." On the front was a picture of a couple, her aunt and uncle, when she flipped it over she discovered it was a picture of her uncle. Not just a picture it was his fucking EPITAPH. YES! That is how my mom found out her uncle died BACK IN AUGUST. A fucking flier. No one called her, wrote her or anything.

That isn't even what upsets me the most, what bothers me the most is that my grandpa would give my mom news like that seconds before a WEDDING CEREMONY STARTS. What kind of person does that? What kind of person purposely packs a flier full of such bad news to a wedding with the intentions of ruining someones day?

I am pissed!

If my friends and family didn't read I would blog about

• How my grandma has spent the last TEN years being fake to my face but calling me a slut behind my back
• How I hate hate hate that my husband plays softball two nights a week leaving me alone with the kids for 3 hours.
• How people who called themselves my friends are now going behind my back trashing me, and claiming not to, to my face.
• How much my family ignores my need to go on medication
• How I feel a few people in my family could use some medicine themselves
• How my mother in law constantly calls me fat
• How my mother in law spent almost 4 years of my relationship with my husband telling me ow much she loved my husbands ex
• How I wish my husband would open up a little more
• How I'm sick of being the fat girl and feeling totally unsexy
• How I want to be hit on. Even though I'm married I'm dying to be hit on. I want to feel desired rather then feel like someones mom.
• How I hate being to fat for my husband to pick me up and fuck me in the shower.
  
• How much I hate that he wants to do that but can't because he knows I'm too heavy (156 lbs)
• How hard it is to be a full time working mom who takes a kid to work.
• How much I want to move away from most of my family and shady friends and just start over
• How I feel like everyone tries to screw my parents
• How much my mom and I fight
• How I wish people could stop reading into my blog. Ie if I say the tree is green they will think I said that because they mentioned they don't like green and I was simply trying to piss them of.
• How I wish people would keep their fucking word
• How I want my husband to be more romantic, to notice me, compliment me, and spend time being totally happy that he married me
• How much I miss having my bed to myself and my husband
• That I'm filing bankruptcy and giving up both of my houses, my credit cards and MY CREDIT
• How often I think of running away
• How much I'm scared my husband will turn into his dad
• How often I fear I will turn into my mom
• How much I yell at my kids
• That I slapped my sons hand the other day and I now feel like a child abuser
• That I hate the secrets in my family. I hate how you tell one person something and 15 minutes later 3098250ujg people know about it and take it out of context
• How often my family comments on my husbands job, my choice in clothes, my weight, my kids behavior and so on
• How my grandma loves you more if your thin
• and sooo much more!
  

Are you "fucking" kidding me

I'm at work. My friend keeps talking to me about sex. So now I'm all horny. I decide fuck I've got to get out of here. I walk out of my office to hear my boss talk about "mounting" some supplies. Fuck!

Then I go grab lunch and realize that all I packed was veggies and ranch. And by veggies I mean A BIG HUGE LONG CUCUMBER. Double fuck!

So I come back in my office just as my friend signs out by saying, "I've got to get off for a while."

Fuck me. Thats all I want to do, get off that is.

Do you ever have days like these where you wish your significant other would show up at your work and just fuck you on your desk and leave so you can concentrate on your goddamn tasks?

So what did you do?

About my earlier post. First I thought I would talk to the girls husband. Then I talked to my husbands other friend who said he would handle it. He texted the best friend and lo, his wife grabbed his phone and replied that he wasn't there. Then I sat and thought and thought and thought and remembered two things my mom always said to me;

"you catch more flies with honey"

&

"keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

So I wrote her the following on Myspace;
Hey David just told me your coming to Reno too so I figure I would let you in on all the details of the weekend. Satuday I have set up for all the guys to go to the rib cookoff. This is a guys only date as I've told all the wives they have to stay and help me with the mass decorating and cooking and shit. I have a shit ton of food to get ready since there will actually be two different meals served that night. I also have a crap load of decorations. So I'm going to need as much help as possible. Rob really stressed that he wanted one guy only date so Saturday is it. At five we are having a big dinner for all the people from cali. There will be a bbq with tri tip, corn potatoes and so on. Then around 10 the big party is starting. I have a beer pong table, dominos, caps, wiffle ball, and horse shoes. I also have a stripper coming around 11. I have 3 kegs set up also. Sunday morning if anyone wakes up I plan to make a big breakfast. Then sunday I planned on doing a quick lunch at the rib cookoff so the ladies can experience it too since we are not invited on saturday. David said you are all staying with us which is great so Rob can get in as much aaron time as possible.

do you have any old pics of aaron and rob that you could scan. I'm making a giant secret poster with embarrassing pics of rob and his friends.

i also had custom wife beaters made for all the cali guys to wear with a hilarious picture on the front of it.

The most important part of this party was getting aaron here for Rob I'm stoked he can make it, shit i told him i would fly him here if thats what it took so i'm just happy you guys are able to come.

IT TOTALLY WORKED. She wrote back and said she meant to ask if I needed help but hadn't gotten around to it yet (suuuure). Then she said the rib cook off Sunday sounded great. Then she told me she was planning on getting all slutty looking for the party. So. Fine. My husband and all his friends will get like 6 wife free hours. I told him tonight what I did for him and seriously I thought he was so happy he was going to tell me that for the rest of our marriage I never had to give him head again! He didn't go that far but the smile he beamed from across the room really was enough to let me know I had just made his day.

I win right?

I'm going to fucking scream

At the end of this month I'm throwing a huge party for my husband.  My main goal for that weekend is one huge ass guys weekend.  My husband is from California.  For the last 7 years he has lived here in Reno with me.  He hardly gets to see his friends.  For this reason I've done anything and everything I can to convince his friends to get here for this party.  I've made promises and bent over backwards just to get as many of his old friends here.  I've got them all sending me oldies from school and I've compiled a best of playlist for his party.  Think LL Cool Jay and Kriss Kross.  I've got decorations, 3 kegs, two meals and games lined up.  I've even bought and made most of a beer pong table just so my husband has his very own for his big day.  

Last month was his best friends birthday.  They flew to Vegas.  My husband asked me to come and I said no.  This was a guys weekend I didn't belong there.  Best friends wife ended up coming and needless to say she ruined the whole trip.  At one point she took the car and left them stranded 20 minutes out of town saying she needed to just run and buy a shirt from the mall.  4 hours later she showed back up.  The guys were left at her aunts house starving with no food, no car and no way to get to the pool.  All they wanted to do was go to the pool.  She then made them go to a sit down lunch and took another 2 hours out of their day.  After that when it was time to get ready to go out she ended up taking 4 hours to get ready.  The guys were supposed to get to the club at 11 and didn't get there until after 1.  My husband was angry at most of the trip because of this one girl.

Last week I find out his number one best friend, his best man in our wedding can't come.  The reason he can't come is that his wife got into his personal man savings account spent his money and didn't tell him.  He now can not afford a ticket.  I even said I would pony up the $300.00 to get him here on a plane.  I've now just been informed that he can come only if he drives and only if she comes.

Part of the big weekend was sending the guys to the rib cookoff all day saturday while I set up.  Now I've been told she has to go with them.  If they go eat she has to go.  When they go down town for the festivities she has to go.  I'm fucking angry.  It's one thing for this girl to ruin her husbands birthday weekend but she will not fuck up my husbands weekend.  

So.  I tell husband I'm going to myspace his friend and let him know I will pay for his ticket.  Husband says I can't because she checks his myspace. I say fine I'll text message him.  Husband says nope, she answers his phone calls and checks his phone.  

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??  So now what the fuck do I do.  I called his other good friend and told him.  He said we are all fucked now.  I asked if I could just tell her to stay and help me set up while they went out.  Friend said no good she won't let him out of her site.  So what the fuck do I do now.  My husband is still angry at this woman for fucking up his best friends party, he is still angry at her level of disrespect for making them so late and now he is angry because she just drained over 2 grand from his best friends special man savings account.

I don't know if I can be nice to this girl now.  What do I do people.  

Fuck what kind of fucking girl checks her husbands phone and myspace.  What kind of fucking girl tells her fucking husband he can't even go down town for some fucking ribs with out her on his fucking arm.  

How am I not going to smack this bitch?

On top of it all I just got told another friend is coming here, but he is coming with the girl he is cheating on his fiance with.  A second friend is coming, leaving his girlfriend home and looking for someone to bang.  Another friend is coming but only if he can have a free ride.  

People.  Maybe instead of beer pong as a game I should have fucking boxing gloves.

Things that drive me fucking nuts

1. When family is in town and make a massive mess of your house
2. When said family tries to wipe down your counters with nasty rotten dish towel and won't listen when you yell please for the love of GOD stop wiping my counters
3. When new family stops by just days after old family and makes bigger mess on top of previous mess
4. When family attempts to clean small mess your child made...but they try and clean it with toilet paper
5. When they use so much toilet paper they leave you with an EMPTY roll
6. When you now have to empty your trash because it has an ENTIRE roll of used toilet paper in it
7. When the mess isn't cleaned because it only looked clean when wet and hello THEY CLEANED WITH TOILET PAPER
8. When you have to reclean an entire bathroom because one guest goes a little heavy on the aqua net and has now coated your mirror, counter, door knobs and floors in enough aqua net to handle the whole cast of Hairspray the musical
9. When you find a whole fucking box of donuts in your house
10. When you eat the whole fucking box
    

a nap

I took a nap this weekend a sweet sweet nap. But I can't help think about all the shit I should have been doing instead. I'm trying to blog now and my youngest is screaming his head off. My oldest is kicking him so that helps a ton. I've wiped 4 asses this morning so the day is already going to shit. Ha.

I have to work today and I don't want to. Lately I can't seem to get into my groove at work. There are days I wish I could be a stay at home mom instead of a work full time with the baby there mom. I would love to be home and work on laundry and dinner and cleaning instead of working then coming home and rushing to do all of that. I have a ton of laundry to do but my fucking washer will mildew anything that is in there longer then an hour. That means I can't even throw in a load before I leave for work.

I gained 6 lbs this week. It's my own fault. I totally sabotaged my diet and came home with cookies an donuts and ramen and donut holes. Yet I still step on the scale and act shocked when it happens. Every time I get close to 149 it's like I purposely try and fuck it up. Either that or I think I'm untouchable and maybe the calories won't get me.

I'm excited to try medicine but one of the things I'm most worried about is what happens when you go on medicine but none of the outside factors change. Your job, your family, your husband your kids. It's all the same. What happens. Do I just handle it better or what? All I really want is to stop yelling. Is there a pill that will just make me stop yelling. Maybe a pill that will make me stop yelling and stop eating donuts.

I think there is a connection there. It looks like this.

If Shannon yells X how many donuts will she eat Y. If Shannon yells how many pounds will she gain Z

X5 + Y = Z

Fuck I have to go my youngest is trying to chew on the toilet plunger