I took a nap this weekend a sweet sweet nap. But I can't help think about all the shit I should have been doing instead. I'm trying to blog now and my youngest is screaming his head off. My oldest is kicking him so that helps a ton. I've wiped 4 asses this morning so the day is already going to shit. Ha.
I have to work today and I don't want to. Lately I can't seem to get into my groove at work. There are days I wish I could be a stay at home mom instead of a work full time with the baby there mom. I would love to be home and work on laundry and dinner and cleaning instead of working then coming home and rushing to do all of that. I have a ton of laundry to do but my fucking washer will mildew anything that is in there longer then an hour. That means I can't even throw in a load before I leave for work.
I gained 6 lbs this week. It's my own fault. I totally sabotaged my diet and came home with cookies an donuts and ramen and donut holes. Yet I still step on the scale and act shocked when it happens. Every time I get close to 149 it's like I purposely try and fuck it up. Either that or I think I'm untouchable and maybe the calories won't get me.
I'm excited to try medicine but one of the things I'm most worried about is what happens when you go on medicine but none of the outside factors change. Your job, your family, your husband your kids. It's all the same. What happens. Do I just handle it better or what? All I really want is to stop yelling. Is there a pill that will just make me stop yelling. Maybe a pill that will make me stop yelling and stop eating donuts.
I think there is a connection there. It looks like this.
If Shannon yells X how many donuts will she eat Y. If Shannon yells how many pounds will she gain Z
X5 + Y = Z
Fuck I have to go my youngest is trying to chew on the toilet plunger
4 comments:
it must be hard. i work at home and make my own hours and i feel like that all the time. i don't know how you do it.
YES! Pills do work. I didn't want to go on anything until my husband forced me to. I was skeptic, I worried about the side effects. I am so glad I tried medicine. There are times that a Tom Cruise wanna-be will lecture me about medicine and the side effects and yada yada yada. Who cares if I shave 5 years off my life. The way I see it I can live 85 years miserable or 80 years happy. It was so worth it.
I don't think there is better choice between working Mom and Stay at Home mom. Both are hard. There will never be a balance, it will always be tiring and suck. So keep taking those naps, who cares about laundry. Turn your son's underwear inside out for one day and nap away.
Pills help me a lot. I was a huge mess, though, and went to therapy to help form new coping skills. Most people just find that they're in the situation where they would have reacted one way (screaming?) and think okay, now what good thing should I say. And they figure it out--the pills help smooth your thinking so your normal, rational, intelligent brain can work. Or at least that's how I look at it. =)
HEAR YE! O HEAR YE! Wanna be at my BIG-ol, kick-ass, party-hardy celebrating our resurrection for eons and eons in Heaven Above, girly? A profusion of peace, eternal plethora of paradise, palm trees, 72ish degrees, fuzzy-navels, point-blank, passion-in-primetime, pink, picturesque-portions-you’ll-possess, delicious-and-nutritious perennial pleasures, too, without price, nor pride, without passwords, nor plastic, nor pretext. You’re more than welcome, girl; you’re definitely invited - God’s calling you through this sinfull mortal. Whether you respond YAY or NAY is up to you --- God only gives bawls to those who see the need for humility, Miss Indelible. God bless you.
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